Tonight in Vegas, the stars come out. And by that, we don't mean Sidney Crosby finally admits what many of us have suspected for years. I mean it's time for the NHL Awards. Trophies awarded for the best players in the best sport Canada has to offer, and it only makes sense for the ceremony to be held in...Las Vegas. You may have heard that tonight's show will be hosted by Jay "Hockey Sucks" Mohr, who has recently been on the Tweetz trying to show how down he is with the hock (see also: selling out) by attempting to learn about Kyle Wellwood jokes. I'll believe it when I see it.
Side note: Anyone else find it absolutely hilarious they're having trouble *GIVING* tickets away to the NHL Awards in LV? Never have this problem if this shit was still in the T-Dot, Gary. I love these twists of fate. I bet he sees "Well, they won't come to an award show, but I bet if we relocated a team here from a place where they really love hockey and let it stagnate for 15 years, they'd come to know it exists! Let's find some pathetic senile investor group who doesn't mind losing half a billion dollars first!"
I wonder why Gary thought Vegas was a prime place for a hockey award show. Does Canada lack in celebrities who give a shit about hockey and/or washed-up singers like Chaka Khan? Is it because you couldn't get Snoop Dogg in Toronto? Does he have some drug-related charge he can't cross the border because of? Fuck it! Look at the A-list Canada has to offer! Kiefer Sutherland! Dan Aykroyd! Don Cherry! Howie M-..Mandel! Uh...Brent Butt? Um...oh, Alan Thicke! Anne Murray? Fuck yeah, man. You could also get Drake and Justin Bie-...you know what, never mind.
Let's get to the awards.
THE HART TROPHY.
The Hart Trophy is given to the player who is judged to be the most important to his team. Does this necessarily mean being the best player on a team absolutely loaded with talent? Because that's what you get with Crosby and Ovechkin. Henrik Sedin was the highest scoring forward in the NHL last season on a team that's "pretty good." In my opinion, he was the MVP of his team. Washington can win without Ovechkin (which they had to, due to questionable suspensions), and Pittsburgh has no problem winning without Crosby. When Malkin is missing, either literally or figuratively, so go the Penguins.
Prediction: Henrik Sedin.
THE VEZINA TROPHY.
The Vezina Trophy is the NHL's award for best goaltender during the regular season. It's practically a requirement to have 40+ wins and a .92x save percentage to even be nominated for the bloody thing. This year, we have Martin Brodeur (aka the BESTEST GOALIE LIKE, EVER LOL), Ilya Bryzgalov, and Ryan Miller. Brodeur got through the season with a 45-25-6 record with a 2.24 GAA and a .916 save percentage. Good numbers for a 38 year old fat guy. Ilya Bryzgalov (of Phoenix. Lol I know, rite) boasts a 42-20-6 record with a 2.29 GAA and a .920 save percentage. In Phoenix. And Ryan Miller of the Beefalo Swordslugs has a 41-18-8 record with a 2.22 GAA and a .929 save percentage.
Great numbers all around. Brodeur obviously benefits from the schemes Jersey has implemented, but that's not to say he's not a tremendous goalkeeper. This award comes down to Miller and Bryzgalov. Many will give it to Bryzgalov simply because he plays in Phoenix, where the only tradition (besides whiteouts...and white power) is sucking. Ryan Miller, however, is Buffalo's MVP. He is every year. He's absolutely stellar in every sense. He may not have the most wins of the three, but his save percentage/GAA are the best. You have to take those into account. That is why Ryan Miller gets this one.
Prediction: Ryan Miller
THE NORRIS TROPHY.
No Lidstrom. TRAVESTY. Mike Green gets nominated for an award for "best all-around defenseman", Lidstrom is denied, and I die a little inside. For that, I don't care. Fuck this trophy.
Prediction: Duncan Keith, but who gives a shit.
THE CALDER TROPHY.
Count Matt Duchene out. I mean, he was good, but this is really about Jimmy Howard and Tyler Myers, and any hockey pundit will tell you that. Myers had some impressive numbers for a rookie defenseman, not to mention getting a shitload of minutes and powerplay time. 11 goals, 37 assists, and +13. Damn impressive. However, Detroit's St. James Howard kicked off his rookie career with a 37-15-10 record with a 2.26 GAA and .924 save percentage. If he had 4 more wins, he'd be in Vezina territory as well...and he'd probably win. For the winner of the Calder however, I am looking at who had the biggest impact on his team.
Tyler Myers. Would Buffalo have made the playoffs without him? Probably. Ryan Miller was a force this year. You could give some of the credit for that to Myers as well though. However, the Red Wings lived and DIED by Jimmy Howard. Given the ridiculous multitudes of injuries to key players, the mediocre defense at times, and the downright shoddy officiating, Jimmy Howard came through and he came through big. I know this is irrelevant, but of the three Calder nominees, Jim got his team the farthest. Just saying. Of all the rookies, Jimmy Howard had THE biggest impact on his team. Without him, Detroit would've missed the playoffs for the first time in 20 years. Don't let the media fool you. Myers is far from a lock for this one.
Prediction: JIMMAHHHH
THE LADY BYNG TROPHY.
Ah yes, the "gentlemanly play" category. Our own Pavel Datsyuk has won this bad good boy four years running. Can he make it a fifth? Brad Richards of Dallas and Marty St. Louis of Tampa are his competition...it always seems to be Datsyuk, St. Louis, and someone else, doesn't it? Well, you'd be correct, this is his fifth straight nomination as well. All three players posted incredible seasons, with Marty having a 94 point season playing alongside Steven Stamkos. He also only had 12 penalty minutes. Brad Richards had 91 points and 14 penalty minutes. Datsyuk had 70 points and 18 penalty minutes. You could state the case that half of Pavel's penalties were questionable (which they were) and the refs should've trusted their eyes to Dr. Rahmani, but that doesn't matter much now. I'm thinking Datsyuk's streak will end, and Marty St. Louis will finally get his damn trophy.
Prediction: Martin St. Louis
THE FRANK J. SELKE TROPHY.
The trophy for the league's best defensive forward, here's where Datsyuk is king. He's once again nominated, along with Ryan Kesler of Vancouver and Jordan Staal of the Pittsburgh Crosbys. First, I'm counting out Ryan Kesler. Yes, 75 points is great, but you're not going to win a "best defensive forward" trophy when you're sporting a +1 goal differential, not when your competition are +19 and +17. Plus, if you have 100+ penalty minutes, you're not spending as much time playing defense as you are spending it in the fuckin' box. Staal's got the +19, is pretty good on faceoffs. He also had 41 takeaways. Wait. 41? Pavel Datsyuk had 132, and led the league in them AGAIN. He won more of his faceoffs than Jordan Staal. He had 89 hits and 33 blocked shots. Staal had more hits, and 8 more blocked shots. To me, the tremendous disparity in faceoffs and takeaways give this one easily to Datsyuk.
Prediction: Pavel Datsyuk
THE JACK ADAMS TROPHY.
Who cares? Mike Babcock is the best coach in the NHL and we all know it. But he's not nominated because Detroit can win without him. That's why he will never be nominated and will never win. Whatever. Of Barry Trotz, Dave Tippett, and Joe Sacco, it's Tippett all day. No question.
Prediction: Dave Tippett.
THE MASTERTON MEMORIAL TROPHY.
This is a tough one; the trophy for the player who best exhibits dedication and perseverance. As much as I'd like to say "they're all winners", that's not how it can work and we know it. Plus, that's cheesy. The nominees this year are Washington's Jose Theodore, Tampa Bay's Kurtis Foster and San Jose's Jed Ortmeyer.
Ortmeyer is nominated because of his dedication to hockey despite a hereditary blood-clotting disorder.
From NHL.com:
The veteran forward not only has to work hard each shift to ensure he has a place in the NHL, but also battles a challenging health condition that requires daily attention. At some point each day, Ortmeyer must use a needle to inject a blood thinner directly into his stomach to combat a hereditary blood-clotting disorder that has threatened not only his hockey career, but also his life.
....
The process is tricky and the timing must be precise. The blood thinner, Lovenox, needs to be in his system during the down time when he's not on the ice and it needs to be out of his system when he plays or practices so that a hard check or a high stick does not cause fatal bleeding.
Fuck. That's some heavy shit. There's really nothing else I can say about that.
Kurtis Foster is nominated because in March 2008, he hit the end boards weirdly and shattered his leg. Destroyed it. He wondered if he'd ever play hockey again, it was that bad. NHL.com again:
"After understanding exactly what kind of surgery he underwent, he later would admit that he realized he was lucky to even walk again."
And somehow, he hangs onto his hockey dream, comes back and plays rehab stints in Houston, and goes back to the Wild and puts up 7 points in 10 games. Then, in the offseason, he signs with Tampa Bay and sets a career high 42 points, also blocking shots and sometimes playing forward. All of this after destroying his leg and going through dangerous surgery. Fuck.
Jose Theodore is nominated not just because of his charity, Saves for Kids. Sure, he donated cash based on every save, win, and shutout to the NICU at Children's National Medical Center in Washington, D.C., but this is all after also losing his infant son who spent his entire life in said hospital. I can't even begin to comprehend what it feels like to lose a child (Kurtis Foster also lost an infant daughter this past year), but playing through it and becoming stronger from it is beyond anything.
Hockey players are really something else in the world of athletics; they're selfless players for the most part, but some of them are near heroic. As lame as it may sound, I don't want to pick a winner here. It just feels like it'd be slightly demeaning to the other two I didn't choose.
It's safe to say though, I have a shit ton of respect for these three guys.
Prediction: ---
THE TED LINDSAY AWARD.
You know. The Lester B. Pearson Award. The "most outstanding player" as voted by the NHLPA. And surprise, surprise, Rosby is nominated. There's your winner.
Prediction: Bitch
THE BRIDGESTONE MESSIER LEADERSHIP AWARD.
Crosby, Shane Doan, and Ryan Miller are up for this. And I know a lot of my Wings fan friends will hate me for this, but Shane Doan will win this one. Let's face it, the man's a great leader. He's tough, he can score, and his goal face is second to none. Never mind he flies around the ice nailing everyone. You know if he were on the Wings during that series doing that shit, you'd have LOVED it. ...well, maybe not the dirty hits, but the energy and childlike enthusiasm? His team followed that.
Prediction: Shane Doan
Well, that's all for now. Check back later for a recap of the awards ceremony, including how bad my predictions turned out to be, when it's revealed that Sidney Crosby will actually win every single award. Even the ones he's not nominated for!
Did you do create that macro? Because it's the greatest thing I've seen in about 72 hours.
ReplyDeleteOh, and those words were funny, too.
One consideration when it comes to the Calder is that it's not just the Hart for rookies, with the criteria about who had the most impact for their team. If that were the case, I'd say Jimmah wins in a landslide. Instead, it's about "the player most proficient in his first year" in the NHL. If the voters are following the language on the trophy, I'm not sure I begrudge Myers a win.
I wouldn't begrudge him a win either, but I do think a player having the greatest impact on his team would certainly qualify as "most proficient in his first year" as well. That's not to say any of the three nominees were not proficient, I just feel Jimmy was the most proficient AND had the most impact on his team as well.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, haha, I did make that macro.