On Classless Fans

You know what, just once, in a hockey discussion, I'd love for someone NOT to bring up Michigan's economy as a tool for insult. That's low, not to mention we can't really help it.

You'll see it everywhere online, and sometimes even in person - go to any message board where Wings hate is the standard, and you will inevitably see some idiot spewing his crap about how no Wings fans have jobs or all of the buildings in Detroit are burned out and full of crack dealers.

First of all, this has nothing to do with hockey, and it's a total cheap shot. It'd be like going to see the new Wall Street movie as a film critic, and in your review, you say the movie sucks because Michael Douglas has cancer.

Secondly, do I *need* to mention Cabrini-Green?

Unfortunately, these idiots that say this stuff have no ammo for the topic at hand. Pittsburgh and Chicago hockey "fans" are notoriously dumb when it comes to hockey; that's why you'll only hear derisive name chants and "Detroit sucks" in addition to the shameful vitriol about Michigan's dire straits.

Fans of other teams have said it before, but it's nowhere near as concentrated and frequent as it is from the mouths and fingers of Kane lovers and Crosby lovers.

I'd hazard a guess that nearly everyone who reads this in Michigan knows someone who has lost a job or a business in the last 5 years. I do. Even if it's not in your immediate family, surely you know someone who was affected, especially if they worked in the automotive business. Honest, hard-working, blue collar people who could work forever are out of a job because of things like their division shutting down to cut costs for the business...or maybe they make too much money.

Is this something to be made fun of?

No one stops to think of what those families have to go through. Some are forced to go out and apply for every job under the sun - some they're not even really qualified for - and possibly have to take multiple jobs just to cover the basic costs of living.

Forced to move out of their homes because they can't afford it. Kids put in foster homes. Parents living in the streets. The buildings falling into disrepair.

Why is THIS where these morons have to go to try and get under our skin? As I said before, that's just low, and really should never be dignified with a reaction. For God's sake, it's hockey; it's ultimately a child's game. I'm all for smacktalk, but come on. If you've nothing relevant to say, then kindly shut the fuck up.

If you really want to bring up financial hardships and empty buildings, then I'll bring up how empty Mellon Arena was only 6 years ago, and how the Pens were almost moved. Or how about I bring up the emptiness of the United Center...even THREE years ago?

Of course, these won't hit that close to home; we're attacking the team, and not the fans. And we're attacking the hockey portion, not their actual lives outside of the sport. Granted, I don't have high hopes for fans of either of those teams, but I thought MAYBE...maybe you were better human beings than that.

Guess not.

Apparently, Empty Gestures Are Now More Dangerous Than Kneeing a Guy

So yesterday, pre-season hockey started. Hooray! But the Wings lost. Boo. 5-1. To the Crosbys. As if that weren't bad enough, noted douchebag Brooks "Future Child Rapist/Current General Douchebag" Orpik attempted to put Johan Franzen out for a long, long time with a dangerous knee-on-knee hit in the first period while his team led 3-0. Gutless? Yes, but we shouldn't expect anything else from a team with Sidney Crosby as its captain. When Todd Bertuzzi came to Franzen's defense, he got kicked out of the game as well (misconduct loolol). Of course, Orpik got a game misconduct as well, AND a five minute major...

...but does he get anything else in terms of supplemental discipline? After all, it was a dangerous, stupid, calculated hit that could've resulted in serious injury - especially on a player with a history with those sorts of problems (and a freshly repaired ACL).

Prediction: No. Because he's a Penguin. Never mind the fact that Franzen's out at least three more preseason games because of it. As per usual, the NHL is looking at the result rather than the action.

This is incredibly stupid. It's like saying, "Well, you shot this guy's mom in the face, but the bullet only went through her cheek instead of her brain, so we're not going to take action against you." A stupid reckless play is a stupid reckless play. And Brooks Orpik is a giant piece of crap. Not that cool white 70s dog poop - but a fresh steaming wet pile left by a fat guy in your living room after he spent the night eating cabbage and drinking rotten milk and Japanese rice wine.

During the Halfhawks/Yzermans match that night as well, Chicago "defense" "man" Nick Boynton attempted to catch TB forward Chris Durno with a knee-on-knee hit. Fortunately, Durno got right back up, but Blair Jones still kicked the shit out of Boynton for being a fuckbag. Take a looksee!

The hit occurs real early in the video (check the slo-mo version at around 0:48 as well), then we see Jones just pummel the living bejebus out of Boynton. Then, in typical Chicago fan fashion, starts talking even more shit and gives a throat-slash gesture (I prefer Chris Benoit's version myself) to Jones in the box, and backs it up by saying "you're fucking dead."

Haha, oh, typical Chicago. You get your ass beat and still talk shit. You jokers.

But here's where the story gets weird. Boynton got a one-game suspension. For that gesture. Not for the KNEE...but for making a motion to a guy who just kicked his ass.

Thank God. Thank God we don't have to deal with that beast. Going around making gestures, putting all of our children in danger with empty threats...the NHL really hit the nail on the head with this one. I can just imagine Gary Bettman sitting in his office, trying to put his little legs up on his desk...leaning back, and smoking a bubble pipe. He says "BOYS...we took a stand here today. We said that we, as a league, will tolerate dangerous injury-intending hits like Matt Cooke's, Doug Murray's, and Brooks Orpik's...but we will NOT stand idly by while maniacs like Nick Boynton flail their hands around at opponents from 15 away. THIS WILL NOT STAND."

And the chirping? Who chirps at opponents? What is this, hockey?!

Hear that, NHL? You guys can kill each other and cheap shot each other all you want, but by God, if you tell the guy beforehand, you are gonna get it from the Wheel of Discipline...maybe.

Ass.

Fillerfest Continues - My Short YouTube "Conversation" with a Stupid Hawks "Fan"

No hockey and no pucks make Beards of War something something....

You might recall one of the two CHIdenfreude videos posted on this blog earlier this summer. Suffice it to say, they got some real funny/butthurt reactions from the Chicago community who were convinced and overly confident that despite the utter gutting of their team, they would not only finish ahead of Detroit in the standings, but would also repeat as Cup champs.

No seriously, you can't make this up.

Anyway, last month, one of them felt compelled to let me know how he felt via channel comment.

mylogix said:

you are a fucking idiot, i think you are just pissed off that hockey's best architect (scotty bowman) is now on the side of the chicago blackhawks. and all that is left in your peice of shit city is some abandoned car factories and trailer parks. suck it

Now, one's first reaction might be:



...which he obviously is. But really, he's right. All of our problems with Chicago fans lie with jealousy. Obviously, we are just "haters", regarding Scotty Bowman and ONLY Scotty Bowman. I had to reply to this guy with a healthy dose of smarm:

ModernExplorer (me) wrote:

Thank you for the compliment!

First of all, thanks for keeping it classy with your comments about Detroit. You're a credit to your fanbase. Though I'd like to inform you that I don't actually live in Detroit Proper, although I've been there a number of times. I'm not sure to which area of the city you refer to, since the downtown area where Joe Louis Arena is located is actually a pretty nice place to be. Y'know, nice buildings. Shopping. Eateries. Also, you seemed to be misinformed; there actually are no trailer parks located in the City of Detroit. That's more of a Downriver thing.

Second of all, I'd like to remind you that Scotty Bowman is not an "architect", he was never the General Manager of Chicago OR Detroit; he only coached the players that were there, and the only team he WAS the GM of was the Buffalo Sabres. And I'd like to remind you that he never coached in Chicago and his position within that organization is strictly for show and has no actual power. In reality, his son is the only one with power and is pretty fucked over at the moment because of the last guy.

But I do thank you for your input on my videos and the city in which my team plays. Your words have been noted and thrown out.

mylogix replied:

ahh, if you really believe what you said about scotty then sir, i am finished with you. with his experience, if you think he isn't playing a big role in chicago helping his son, then you are a fucking idiot. oh and im sorry for not keeping it classy, you set the bar so high in your shitty little video. and if you think the hawks are fucked, you should look at your own washed up team who mostly have passed their prime. oops i forgot you signed madano, good luck with that.

ModernExplorer wrote:

Dear Raving Lunatic:

So you agree with me! Scotty Bowman is a figurehead in Chicago. His position has no actual power, he's there for "motivation" for his son? Except you're also forgetting he was taken aboard prior to his son's hiring as GM. Don't forget that.

Secondly, why the name calling? Are you upset about something? I can't imagine why in the world you w- oh. Never mind. That was my bad.

Thirdly, you're forgiven. You're right, I am a classy fellow. I apologize (not) if you took offense to my "shitty little" video (which is a large video, in terms of size), but the fact of the matter remains everything in it is true! Your inability to handle the truth is cute. Unfortunately, it would seem that you've never been to Detroit or anywhere near in order to make your observations. Maybe you should come take a visit. Wear your Hawks jersey. I promise you won't lose an arm.

Finally, yes yes, I've heard that all before - the Red Wings are "old" and "washed up"....geez, it seems they've been that way for the nearly two decades, and yet, in spite of this, they've managed to continue to have winning seasons; y'know, Presidents Trophies, divisional wins, and Stanley Cups.

And really, if you want to discuss washed up - your team signed Hugh Jessiman. Your point is moot.

P.S. Isn't it amazing how we were able to land Mike Modano? We're all TOTALLY looking for about 100 points out of him this season. Think we can do it?

Honestly? Am I the only one who wasn't expecting Mike Modano to lead the league in scoring when Ken Holland signed him to be the THIRD-LINE CENTER?

Oh, Chicago fans. Though you have sex with your cousins, you still amuse me.

I Got Your Back, Dan Ellis

(For a quick recap and probably the best-written and better-researched article on this shituation, click me.)

Hey, Dan Ellis. I got your back. I mean, you don't know who I am, and that's fine. All I'm saying is I totally get where you were coming from when you were talking about how much it sucks when your paycheck gets divvied up like, eight million ways.

I mean, I'm not a millionaire. Hell, my last actual paying job was doing third-shift stock duty for $7.25 an hour. But after tax and shit, I only ended up making like, 5.50 an hour. And stocking is a pain in the ass, man. Especially if you gotta like, unload skids of fuckin' dog food and cat litter. Big 50, 60 pound bags? That shit is hard, and I'm out of shape. I wanted that full $7.25! I didn't want to pay bullshit taxes that had nothing to do with me, not with how hard I worked. I mean, we didn't have escrow, but if we did, that'd suck even worse.

I lost a buck and a half off my paycheck and I hated it. Imagine losing a MILLION bucks.

And being a goaltender is much harder than being a stockboy...I imagine. I mean, I never sweat off 15 pounds for a night's work (though I could stand to).

One's ONLY reaction to what Ellis said should be "Oh yeah, that DOES suck."

But no. The Twitterverse went crazy. And honestly, a little dickheaded.

Twitter personalities we've loved for their snarkiness suddenly looked like angry children insecure with their own meager earnings (or God knows what else). A little sensitive, are we? Much was made of Dan Ellis supposedly comparing his life to cops and firefighters...except he never actually did that.

"If you don't make a lot of money, you won't understand."

"Just like I wouldn't understand how cops or firefighters risk their lives."

You see, it's a comparison of the lack of understanding; not job responsibility. Dan Ellis never said a damn thing about how he risks his life or his job carries a lot of societal significance. He's not that big of an ass.

But as quoted in the CWGAP article, Buddy Oakes said it best. Yeah, $500,000 is a nice chunk of change, but he's losing two-thirds of his paycheck before he sees any of it. And that sucks. Imagine losing two-thirds of YOUR check. Would I dare tell you to shut up because someone makes less than THAT?

The hashtags and the personal attacks were ridiculous and uncalled for. I'm all for poking fun and having a laugh, but I also abide by what Wil Wheaton says: "Don't be a dick." A great number of people were being dicks.

I get that money is a sensitive issue, but again, I don't see where animosity was at all necessary. Maybe it's just me, but I didn't even feel like I was supposed to get offended by what he said, because I thought he was right. Maybe it's just that I don't really ever get offended.

Bottom line is this: If you lost 67% of your paycheck (and then some), it'd suck. No matter how much you make. And if you disagree, you're an idiot.

The end.