Wednesday, July 28, 2010

History Will Be Made - An Effortless "Repost"

Since it's July, there's not a lot going on hockeywise. You may have notice with the big, long break I've unexpectedly taken from blogging. It's really kind of a pain in the ass when you want to write but have nothing to write about. So in an effort to make myself look busy, I've decided to just post a bunch of YouTube videos I did before the birth of Beards of War.

Remember the "History Will Be Made" promos put out by the NHL last season? Awesome, weren't they? Gamebreaking moments, gamebreaking players. Moments that go down in NHL history, mostly for the good. But in addition to the ones put out by the NHL, there were also some brilliant fan creations...and some bad fan creations. Ones that pushed the boundaries of actual legendary moments and descended mostly into obvious fanboyism.

And then there were guys like me; the assholes. So without further a-doo-doo, I present..."Beards of War's History WON'T Be Made"!


#1: Martin Havlat




Heh. Remember this hit from two years ago? Oh man. The check heard 'round the world....or at least through the 300 or so miles from Detroit to the other side of Lake Michigan. The Hawks fans cried foul, and the refs bought it and Kronwall was given the rest of the night off, which was bullcrap. Despite its punishing nature, this was a clean hit.




^ see? Clean. Keep your head up, kids!

STUPID COMMENT:



Okay. First of all, if you think "History Will Be Made" applies only to the current season, you're an idiot. Secondly, a career backup explodes in the playoffs and gets his team within two games of the Stanley Cup, and not only that, has better stats than the goalie that ends up winning...but you say he's "third string" and "worse than junior goalies"? Seriously, kid? I'm all for smack talk, but that's just stupid. Don't forget, your stupid team drafted the son of a bitch. Niemi's never played in the playoffs, and you don't hesitate to call him a legend. Chicago fans are fucking idiots.


#2: Bryan McCabe



Okay...this one is actually my least favorite, mostly because I couldn't find the right kind of video...but I tried, dammit! The others I could've picked from had terrible quality or were letterboxed into oblivion.

I HAD to make this one though, because I had to razz the Leafs fans. Bryan McCabe. I can't believe how much you paid this guy to score own goals. That's tragic.

No stupid comments on this one.


#3: The Fonz



Yeah yeah, I know. The Fonz never played in the NHL. But he could have if he wanted to. Then again, distancewise, the closest team he could play for would've been the Hawks...and The Fonz doesn't associate with losers.

Except Potsie.

Anyway, the main reason I made this one was to sort of break the monotony...why NOT do it for something other than hockey? What IF The Fonz weren't so cool? Would he have fallen into the shark tank? No. Probably not. Probably because no one would've towed him on a rope. They'd have been like "Why are you wearing a leather jacket while water skiing? What are you, some kind of smart guy?"

Also, if you didn't know, this one was put in a Puck Daddy post (which explained the sudden jump in views from like, 6 to 2,500 in one night). Hooray!

No stupid comments. There's only one, and it's nice.


#4: "Babydick" Sidney Crosby



Oh my GOD, this one sent the Pens fans out in droves. They weren't very happy at me for this one. Then again, they're all complete idiots so it's not like I care. Another gem from the 2009 finals, Wings fans will remember Johan Franzen with a fairly weak check that sent Sidney Crosby gasping and crying and whining to the bench for the remainder of the game (which, by the way, didn't stop him from running out and military pressing the Cup and skating around like Baryshnikov's gay sister).

Pens fans were quick to remind me that the Penguins did end up winning the Stanley Cup. I acknowledge this sad fact of history, but it still doesn't change the fact that through the final series, Sidney Crosby was a no-show and did absolutely nothing to contribute to his team. For Christ's sake, Justin Abdelkader had more goals than he did, and he's a fourth-liner.

Not to mention in general, he's a gigantic vagina, whiner, diver, and horrible example of a captain in the National Hockey League.

Let's face it. None of the Penguins players stood out in the final series. You could probably say the same about Detroit's players. The fact it went 7 games shows it was a defensive struggle both ways. But the numbers don't lie; Crosby sucked. The Penguins fans will not acknowledge this, and instead only respond with "HUR CROSBY'S ON THE CUP" as if this is the ultimate trump card to any hockey argument. Jay Pandolfo's on three Cups, dude. Does this mean he's thrice the player Crosby is? And I'll remind you guys like Maltby, Draper, and McCarty? Lidstrom? Holmstrom? Yeah, they've got four. Does this mean they're four times the player Crosby is?

Hint: Yes.

Pens fans represent the lowest of the low in terms of hockey intelligence. Blindly following the team only since it started winning, refusing to budge on any notion that their players are infallible. They're absolutely useless in any hockey conversation that precedes the year 2007 (just like Hawks fans), or in any conversation that isn't "how great Sidney Crosby is." They serve as a warning against drinking while pregnant, and should always wear helmets in public so we know who they are (assuming we're deaf and can't hear the incessant YEA CROSBY YEAAA cheers emanating from them at any given second).

Stupid comments for this one are great and many, so I'll have a hard time picking a couple out to make fun of.



I can't read this. I'm trying, and I just can't understand it. These kids should be paying more attention in school instead of trying to argue on the internet. As for the last point, I don't know if consecutive 2-1 losses and a 7 game series is a "choke." Then again, this kid is obviously a moron and thinks any series loss = choke. Sorry. Not so.



Here's a twofer! The first guy does have a point; none of us have played professional hockey at the NHL level. But we have watched it. For years - and so we do know what it's like. We've seen guys take brutal hits, pucks to the face, sticks to the face, bad checks, etc etc, and get back up and play on. Remember Eric Belanger? Dude takes stick to the face, pulls out teeth on bench, doesn't miss a check. Or Duncan Keith? Dude takes a puck to the MOUTH...goes back, gets stitched up, and plays on. Sidney Crosby takes a clean check from the side and decides he can't play anymore.

The second guy was the stupidest comment on the video. He's right though; if only I was as big and strong and tough as Sidney Crosby. If only I had the ability to crosscheck guys from the back...or punch dudes in the nuts to win fights. See, that's my problem; I only fight from the front. Though I can't skate, I'm more than certain I wouldn't need to quit the game after taking a check. I'm a big, strong guy. Sidney Crosby? Not so much.

I'm taller than him too.

....God, is it October yet?

1 comment:

  1. I had no idea the Fonzie video was yours. A toast to the fraternity of asshole HWBM videos!

    My favorite comment on my own Dan Boyle video was a Godwin. Apparently, mocking an ice hockey player for something that was as much a fluke accident as boneheaded play is the moral equivalent of annexing the Sudetenland and exterminating 6 million Jews.

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