Can we pretend that didn't happen?

We can. But they better not.

There's really nothing one can say about a 10-3 shitfest other than "ewwww. I hope I don't feel this in the morning." It's really a lot like your prom date.

Not mine. I didn't go to prom.

This was one of the worst games I've ever seen played, so I'm not going to say much about it. The whole team looked like shit and I'm pretty sure Thomas McCollum's gonna have nightmares. Bad nightmares. Like being scored on by Roman Polak. Eeeeew.

That's all I'll say because I don't feel like taking my noteworthy and classy blog and devolving it into curse words and the phrase "shitty poop" over and over again.

Oh, and at some point, I'll be sure to type up my H2H2 post (two weeks late!), and maybe something else. I'm not quite to the point of giving up BoW in spite of a ridiculous amount of personal issues taking place. So...yeah. Enjoy your scotch tonight, you poor poor Red Wings fans.

Wings, Kings 'n Things - March 9 Preview

Oh. Hello there. Before I get started with this preview, I should let you know that I do not plan on using any of Charlie Sheen's memes during the course of this entry or in any entries that should come after, the lone exception, of course, being "winning" - as we all know, this was a Detroit tradition before a Charlie Sheen tradition.

I know it's a huge thing now, oh my god, everyone's joining in the Charlie Sheen bandwagon - even the Twitter accounts of professional sports teams and corporations that take in billions of dollars and are usually well respected worldwide. I have a feeling that in 10 years, we'll look back at where we were when we spouted these phrases at each other in real life with cringe, a shudder, and a "God, why". Charlie Sheen memes are essentially the mullet/Zubaz pants combo of the early 2010s.

Our "winning" has to do with a smartly run organization with a tradition of success - his is "I love my out-of-control-coke-fueled-downward-spiral-skank-bangin'-life AND YOU DON'T GET IT BEAHWHAHWINNING." Differences.

Now you may be asking why I'm writing up a preview of a game. After all, I've never done that before. I usually do humorous entries after games, or even during games. The answer is simple - I'm going to the game. And so are a lot of you. Maybe you'll see me, so you can say "my, you are far less impressive in person." I look forward to it!

Here we go, the records: Detroit (39-19-8) vs. Los Angeles (36-25-5). Number two in the West vs. number eight.

Number two is an appropriate name for the Wings after crapping out last game vs. Phoenix - after going up 4-1 at the end of the second (the fourth goal coming from a beautiful dangle from the one and only...Darren Helm), the Wings choked up three goals to the Great Ownerless Wonder and eventually lost in the skills competition. That's harder to swallow than a scorpion made of farts. Of course, the Blo-yotes first goal shouldn't have counted, since Brett MacLean was essentially tapdancing on Jimmy Howard's skull. But since, as Larry Murphy said, "odfhdskiguhfdguidfgh I'm drunk, hot dogs" and something about "owning ice", the refs let it stand - which is total shit, because Murph is drunk and doesn't know anything. He's like the Queen Elizabeth of the Fox Sports broadcast team - at one point, he was important, but now he's just there and sometimes spouts confusing and sometimes offensive things...and is a drunk with a hot dog problem.

Broadcasting excellence.

The positive in all of that is that the Wings picked up a point, but that's like saying "well, at least I have ONE leg. It's better than none!" Yeah, but I want two legs. Or at least a kick-ass motorized wheelchair. No one's buying you a kick-ass motorized wheelchair when you choke away three goal leads, kids - it's a lesson for life.

The Kings are also coming off an overtime loss, theirs coming against Dallas and at the hands of Brenden Morrow. But really, who cares about that? Steve Ott sucks.

Though the Wings' road tour was the west coast was not totally successful (the only win coming against LA in a 7-4 game that should've been 7-1), I think we're all aware of the Wings' woes when it comes to games at home recently. What was the record for home games in February - 2-4-0 (and 7-9-2 since the start of December)? Tonight is the first home game in the month of March for Detroit, and we're all hoping they kick the month off the right way...you know, maybe like, two hat tricks. Maybe someone scores eight goals and tells Joe Malone to get out of the record books. Hey, maybe an Ovechtrick! I mean...that can happen, right?

All kidding aside, Detroit is losing ground to Vancouver for tops in the West - a nine point gap separates them (95 to 86). Detroit has two games in hand on the Canucks, though. Plus, hey, the more points they can get above Chicago, the better (by the way, they lost to Florida tonight. 8-game win streak. Gone. To Florida. In regulation, too. How hilarious is THAT?!). L.A. currently sits 8th in the West with 77 points (it's a real tenuous hold, too - that whole area of the standings is one big clusterfuck. Plus, Minnesota is like, RIGHT THERE).

Kill the losing streak. Don't allow early goals. Don't allow wimpy goals. Play all 60 minutes. Dangle some motherfuckers. Make me happy. 2 points. Let's get it. See ya at the game!